Cross Gender Friendship

When you look at the word ‘Friendship’ what comes to your mind?

For the benefit of knowledge, let’s unpack that word a little. Friendship in other words, is referred to as; bond, connection, affection, Alliance, acquaintance, companionship and amity to mention but a few.

Cross gender friendship has got an ideology that neglects the true definition of friendship. In a way; sexualisation, fear & power issues have really kept men and women from loving each other as friends.

We further perpetuate that gap by keeping men in men’s groups and women in women’s groups – by assuming that once we’re married, we can never have a close and authentic relationship with a member of the opposite sex – and by buying into the idea that “men and women” just can’t be friends.

Permit me to digress a little. God called man to love, when He did, there was a reason to that, a genuine one to which He has given ‘all’ to let that knowledge sink.

The word “love” is deep. It is not for feeble minds. Love is existent so that deep wounds can be healed. Love is virtuous and a means to help restore dignity. Love hurts but it also heals. Love is not a selfish or self-centred act. So, “friendship” is ‘love’, built to form stronger interpersonal bond and association.

When we truly understand the nature of love then we begin to see the need to become more mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons and friends to one another, in other words find a way to curb the hardship, evil, pain, worries and destruction that come simply because we are being careful not to pass our cross-gender-boundary that the society and religion has consciously or unconsciously set for us.

Let’s examine some causes of anti -cross gender friendship in the society. According to research, some of the most common causes are:

• There is too much sexual brokenness in the world.
• Adultery is a huge problem in the society.
• Our culture is too “sexualized” in order for men and women to be friends or get close to each other.
• Marriages already have too much stress in them.

How do we respond to these concerns?

These are all genuine and appropriate concerns. There are potential dangers in all kinds of male-female relationships; domestic abuse, incest, emotional abuse, dysfunctionality and all; regardless, people still encourage marriage. As much as these exist, there are also stories of fruitful, flourishing, healthy, enduring marriages.

So where do we start?

Many people have a deep longing for these kinds of friendships. But because we don’t have very good models for them and because we only hear about the dangers, we don’t even know where to start.

Personally I have heard a few folks say their real friends were the opposite sex. Many ladies also say they have continued to learn through their friendships with their male friends such that that’s the only real friendship they are comfortable with and prefer. I have also have heard some married folks say that that their cross-gender friendships made them a better husband—they tell of how it helped deepen their love and affection for their partners.

Clearly, it will be illusory to say that there would ever be deep reconciliation between sexes, that’s due to our differences. But a good place to start is to fall back to the origin of true friendship which God has modelled to us. God doesn’t love anyone with a detached inequality; rather His love is platonic, friendly, compassionate, spiritual, amicable and nonsexual. When we see that essence clearly, maybe we can begin to redefine the place of cross gender friendship in our lives and in the society at large.

Image Source: madamenoire.com